Why Love fades: Top reasons for breakups and relationship failures

In the previous article, I discussed the ways to keep a romantic relationship healthy and long-lasting. Now, if such ways are not followed or are wrongly followed, any romantic relationship can fail or break permanently. However, there are many other reasons for relationship failures; in this article, I will discuss some of the most common and serious issues that can ruin a romantic relationship. 

Why Long Term Relationships are prone to fail more than the short term ones ? 

Every romantic relationship usually starts with an exciting phase where partners discover new sides of each other almost every day. This stage feels like unraveling fresh mysteries as they grow closer and learn more about one another. In the process of building trust and winning each other’s hearts, couples often enjoy romantic gestures—like date nights, trips, or cozy movie evenings. Eventually, once they commit and begin living together, the relationship enters a new chapter.

Cohabitation brings the need for routines that make daily life run smoothly. Chores such as cooking, doing the dishes, and grocery shopping become shared responsibilities. At the same time, one or both partners must devote much of their weekdays to work or business.

Before living together, couples usually carved out specific times from their separate lives to spend with each other, sometimes dedicating whole days or long hours to togetherness. They were used to managing their own routines—either alone or with family—without seeing the realities of everyday life as a couple. As a result, the shift to cohabitation often reveals new dynamics they hadn’t experienced before.. 

When couples interacted occasionally before living together, nearly every meeting felt special. They often celebrated their romance through fresh gestures—romantic trips, lively parties, cozy movie nights, and more. However, once they begin sharing the same home, daily routines take precedence. This makes it harder to plan exciting romantic experiences on a regular basis.

During this stage, one partner may sometimes feel empty, lonely, or bored. They may long for the same level of excitement and novelty that once defined their earlier days together. If their partner does not take meaningful steps to address these feelings, the bond can weaken over time, and the relationship may gradually begin to crumble.

According to the opinions of many relationship counselors, if two partners are staying together for a long duration of time, they should make efforts so that their daily routines don't make their relationship boring and predictable. Each of them must occasionally arrange some times for themselves when they can spend romantic moments together. This means that, on certain days each week, both partners should set aside time to be together and enjoy romantic activities such as date nights, movie nights, or visits to couple-friendly spots. Of course, these are just a few examples—not the only options. Each partner occasionally must arrange large programs like romantic vacations, long trips, large anniversary parties, camping, etc. However, if a partner earns significantly more than the other one, then he/she needs to finance these large programs. 

If, despite these efforts, any one partner continues to feel bored or unfulfilled in the relationship, it may be wise to seek professional help—such as a therapist, psychiatrist, or relationship counselor. You need to attend some sessions with such experts so that they can offer you proper suggestions and tips cultivated from their respective fields of expertise. 

Many people involved in long-term relationships fail to balance between their daily routines and enjoying the exciting romantic moments, and thus, many of these relationships fail. 

Below, I have discussed some important and common reasons that can contribute to ruining a relationship. 

Weak emotional attachment 

When a person gets infatuated with someone and thinks of making a relationship with him/her, at first he/she must try to get emotionally attached to the person he/she is infatuated with. A relationship built on weak emotional attachment never lasts long. If you fail to understand your partner’s feelings, emotional distance will grow over time, and eventually the relationship may fall apart. 

Emotional baggage of earlier relationships 

Before starting a romantic relationship, you must disentangle your emotional attachments to your ex-partners from past relationships. If you fail to do so, first of all, you can't get fully emotionally attached to your current partner, and secondly, your current partner may feel he/she is not getting fully dedicated love and respect from you. Your behavior itself may create doubt in your partner’s mind if he/she senses that part of your attention is still tied to memories of your past relationships. He/she might also notice you comparing his/her actions with those of an ex. In a monogamous relationship, such comparisons are often seen as a sign of disrespect.

If your partner truly loves you, psychologically it will be difficult for him/her to tolerate your emotional baggage from earlier relationships. At first, he/she may argue with you, but if you continue holding on to this baggage, your partner will eventually grow distant—first emotionally, and later, physically. This will definitely fail your relationship. 

It is advisable for anyone entering a new romantic relationship to first let go of emotional attachments to ex-partners. Ideally, it is best to avoid maintaining friendships or contact with them. Now, if you fail to do so, never start any new relationship because your current partner deserves your fully dedicated love and respect, not shared ones. 

Abuses destroy relationships 

If a partner abuses the other emotionally, physically, financially, or in any other way, the victim may experience one or more forms of trauma. Below are some common types of abuse along with their potential effects 

• While speaking about physical abuses, they include physical violence like slapping, pushing, hitting, etc. 
• Using slang, threatening, shouting, insulting, and using demeaning words are some examples of verbal abuse. These may cause anxiety and emotional trauma to the victim. 
• If in a relationship, a person forces his/her partner into physical intimacy or forces him/her to take part in unnatural sex, then these activities can be termed as sexual abuse. Sexual abuse includes not only forcing a partner to engage in sex without his/her consent but also compelling him/her to watch pornographic material, imitate sexual acts from such material, have sex with others, or be subjected to trafficking.. 

• If you verbally disrespect your partner frequently, criticize him/her constantly, or try to verbally manipulate, humiliate, or gaslight, these activities can be termed as emotional or psychological abuse

• In a relationship, if a person prevents his/her partner from accessing any bank accounts (joint or individual), takes or misuses his/her partner’s earnings, damages his/her credit score by taking loans or EMIs using forged credentials or credit cards, or denies access to personal or jointly earned resources, each of these actions constitutes financial abuse. 
• If a person disrespects his/her partner in public, isolates him/her from families and friends, and controls his/her social activities, like whom he/she should meet or not, these activities can be termed as social abuses. 
• Using the internet and digital devices If you humiliate your partner, stalk him/her, show disrespect, share or spread his/her private moments online, track his/her location frequently, or harass him/her in any other digital way, these actions are considered online or digital abuse.. 
• If a partner destroys his/her partner’s immigration papers, visas, or passports; prevents him/her from learning a language; issues threats of deportation; blocks necessary migration sponsorships; or threatens his/her parents or relatives in the partner’s home country, each of these actions constitutes immigration abuse

Though I have mentioned almost all types of abuses, keep in mind that some of these activities can't be termed as abuses if they are set as boundaries or conditions before starting a relationship. For example, if two partners agree that each of them may track the other’s location online while in a relationship, this activity cannot be considered online or digital abuse.

However, most other forms of abuse are so cruel that they directly violate human rights, and therefore, if either partner engages in such behavior against the other, the romantic relationship may end permanently.

Communication failure or miscommunication 

Failing to engage in proper communications with your partner can affect your relationship. While people remain busy proving their love and kindness for their partners, many of them pay little attention to their communication methods. Keep in mind that the ways of communication always vary with the types of relationships. A person communicates with her parents in such a way that is completely different from the way of communication that should be followed while interacting with a romantic partner.

If a person does not know how to communicate properly with his/her partner, miscommunication within the relationship can lead to frequent misunderstandings and verbal conflicts. While living with parents, an individual often grows up under discipline shaped by negative tones meant to restrict him/her from certain activities. Although this is not necessarily wrong, without proper training in healthy communication, he/she may unconsciously adopt the same style with a romantic partner. This can result in verbally disciplining his/her partner too much or using negative tones excessively. Such behavior is disrespectful to the partner and harmful to the relationship.

So, while dating someone, you should start to watch romantic movies more, and also, occasionally, you must hear the podcasts of modern relationship experts. These will help you to learn how to communicate with your romantic partner while staying together for long. 

Bad habits and harmful addictions 

In this article and also in previous articles, I have already mentioned you need to follow some daily routines while staying together with your partner in a long-term relationship. I have already stated that occasionally you need to arrange some time so that you can spend some romantic moments with your partner together. But keep in mind that doesn't mean you need to ignore daily routines. Without properly disciplined daily routines, no relationship can last longer. 

But it is true that if either of you have bad habits and harmful addictions, then these daily routines will get hampered or jeopardized. For example, in a relationship, if a partner is addicted to gambling, then he/she will lose a lot of money in failed bets, and the couple will struggle to buy daily essentials. This can disrupt daily routines, such as making it difficult to afford regular meals, which may force a person to skip food. He/she may also experience financial shortages, leading to an inability to pay electricity bills or other monthly expenses. Ultimately, the couple has to struggle financially and mentally, which may gradually weaken the bond in their relationship. 

Just like harmful addictions, different types of bad habits are also harmful for a long-term relationship. For example, an alcoholic partner can mentally, physically, and financially humiliate his/her partner frequently. Just like that, various unhygienic habits of a partner can cause various health issues for one or both of them; these may destroy the mental peace of the other partner, and he/she may go distant emotionally and physically. Other unhealthy habits may include disclosing private matters of the relationship to others (such as relatives, friends, or on social media), excessive smoking, constant arguing, overeating, oversleeping, and similar behaviors. Almost all of these habits can hamper the daily routines of a couple, and thus, they can create financial or mental agonies for one or both partners. These agonies can weaken the bond between the couples, and thus, a relationship may gradually fade. 

So, before starting a relationship, both individuals should take appropriate steps to overcome any addictions to harmful substances or bad habits they may have.

Broken trust and cheating on your partner 

Here, I have mentioned both the phrase "broken trust" and the word "cheating" in the subheading because both of them are related to each other. These are the most impactful reasons that can break a relationship very quickly, unlike other reasons. 

In a relationship, trust develops when both partners honor the commitments they make to each other, which are often grounded in shared vows and mutually agreed boundaries. These vows affirm that each partner will remain fully connected—both emotionally and physically—to the other, while also establishing certain boundaries for one another. Now, what are these boundaries? In a traditional romantic relationship, these boundaries may include not letting yourself get emotionally and physically involved with any other person outside of the relationship and a few other types of boundaries. 

Now, if either partner breaks any vows or crosses any boundaries, it will break his/her commitment made to the other. As I have already mentioned, the trust is built on commitment; thus, if the commitment is broken by someone, he/she will lose the trust of the other partner. 

In most cases, it has been observed that if anyone in a relationship breaks the trust of his/her partner, then that partner breaks the relationship very quickly. In other cases, the relationships get fragile and the bonds weaken miserably. Those relationships either break slowly, or the couples stay together for the sake of other matters (like childcare or financial obligations) without any emotional and physical attachments.

Poor sexual drive or unmatched sexual drive 

To make a relationship last longer, two people involved in it must remain satisfied with each other in physical intimacies or sex. Now, keep in mind that in this world, every person's sexual needs are different from one another. Thus, while staying in a relationship, every couple must be cautious and take appropriate steps to satisfy the physical needs of each other. Since sexual needs often differ between partners, both individuals in a couple must learn to adjust so that neither feels deprived or disrespected. 

Now, how are these adjustments made? As sexual preferences of each person are more unique than the other, each couple must make a unique set of adjustments. 

For example, let's say a male partner likes to initiate sex with his female partner every weekend evening, but the female partner wants sex only at night. Just like that, a female partner may enjoy showering with her male partner and initiating intimacy during that time. In such situations, each partner needs to adjust to the other’s preferences so that neither feels deprived or disrespected. This means that even if one partner does not wish to fulfill all of the desires of the other partner, he/she can still agree to meet some of them. This reflects the essence of adjustment in a relationship.

If either partner refuses to adjust or forces the other one to anyhow meet all of his/her desires without compromising anything or doesn't do anything to meet any of the desires of the other, then this may have an adverse effect on their relationship. 

Issues regarding respect and disrespect 

In previous articles, I have discussed if in a relationship, if both partners can't simultaneously respect each other in every aspect of their life, their relationship may suffer. 

Below, I have listed how people disrespect their partners. 

• Breaking your partner's trust is the extreme level of disrespect you could show to your partner. 
• If a partner doesn't listen attentively and actively to the other one, it is a disrespectful act. Also, while your partner is talking with you, cutting or stopping his/her speech can also be considered as a matter of disrespect. 
• Every partner should value the opinion of their loved one, whether it is agreeable or not. Otherwise, it will be a matter of disrespect. 
• If a partner mocks, disapproves, or makes fun of the goals and ambitions of his/her loved one, it is a matter of disrespect. 
• Mocking your partner's career, income, sexual ability or inability, and any other issue of his/her private life in public or behind his/her back is one of the worst cases of disrespect. 
• If you keep any matter (public matter or private matter) secret from your partner, your partner's trust in you may get affected as it is a matter of disrespect. 
• If you want to criticize anything of your partner , it should be done politely with kindness. Otherwise, if you use harsh tones and bad words, it will be a matter of disrespect. 
• While staying together in a relationship, if a partner disagrees to share household chores, financial and relationship duties with his/her partner, that will be disrespectful. 
• In a previous article, I have mentioned each partner in a relationship must arrange some time to engage in their hobbies and interests. Thus, keep in mind, every partner in a relationship should allow the other partner to get involved in his/her hobbies and interests. If any partner objects or prevents it, it will be a matter of disrespect to his/her partner. 
• Every conflict should be resolved with patience and kindness. If either partner yells, shouts or acts rudely against his/her partner while there is a conflict, that will be quite disrespectful. 
• If you insult your partner when he/she is in financial or emotional distress, it will be a matter of disrespect to your partner. 

I have mentioned above how a partner could disrespect her loved one in varied ways. If while staying in a relationship, if you disrespect your partner in one or more ways mentioned above, your relationship may get affected. 

Being a narcissist 

A narcissist is such a person who is extremely selfish in every phase of his/her life. Almost everyone shows selfishness at times, but a narcissist remains excessively self-centered all the time. They have zero empathy for others, and thus, they can initiate any type of cruel activity to serve their own interests. 

It has been observed that while staying in a romantic relationship, narcissists abuse their partners emotionally or physically or both, and these abuses frequently reach their extreme levels. So, these relationships either stay extremely complicated or break away completely. 

Incompatibility or compatibility issues 

A romantic relationship should be started only if both the partners are compatible with each other emotionally, physically, financially, and in other matters. Many relationships fail or break because the partners in each of them are incompatible with each other. 

In the Indian subcontinent, several African countries, and parts of the Middle East, most parents select brides and grooms for their children and arrange their marriages. That's why these kids can't date the people they like and don't get the opportunity to choose their compatible life partners. They are forced to marry the people chosen by their parents, and in many cases, they turn into incompatible partners. Although arranged marriage remains a tradition in some conservative societies, modern education provided by schools and colleges in these countries is helping many young people become aware of their rights as they seek to build fulfilling relationships. Hence, even though many of them are forced to marry people chosen by their parents, they're trying to get rid of these marital relationships by going for divorces or separations.  

In modern societies, young people date randomly and get opportunities to choose their compatible partners. But still, many of them make relationships with incompatible partners, which later create mental distress and other types of issues. Therefore, before beginning to date, it is helpful to learn key dating tips from relationship counselors to better identify a compatible partner and make informed decisions before entering a relationship. I will publish an article later listing some important dating tips. 

Involvements of friends, families and third persons in romantic relationships 

While staying in a relationship, both partners gradually come to know mental, emotional, physical, financial, and other aspects of each other. As they stay together following some daily routines, they are well aware of the choices, likes, and dislikes of each other. Thus, if any friend or relative of either partner suggests anything for their romantic relationship, it will be a stupid act if that partner listens to it and tries to apply it to his/her relationship. Keep in mind, the people outside of your relationship don't know how you and your partner personally interact with each other emotionally, psychologically, physically, and in other ways. So, applying their suggestions in your relationship will ultimately weaken the existing bond between you people. 

Not agreeing to take accountabilities and responsibilities 

While staying together in a relationship, it is a bad idea for either partner to avoid taking accountabilities and responsibilities for their own activities and pass the blame on the other partner. If you have a habit of doing this, your partner may feel emotionally vulnerable, and after a certain period of time, he/she will grow distant from you emotionally and psychologically. It will gradually weaken your relationship.

Too much age difference

If the age gap between two partners is ten years or more, it can sometimes lead to compatibility challenges. This does not mean that every relationship with a large age difference will encounter problems. Still, it is important to recognize that partners with significant age gaps often differ considerably in physical and mental maturity. Therefore, such couples need to adjust to each other’s levels of maturity to maintain harmony in the relationship. Otherwise, they will fail to meet the emotional and physical needs of each other. This is a challenging situation, which is why many relationships between partners with a large age gap often fail.

In this article, I have tried to mention almost every reason that takes part in relationship failures. Still, if I identify any other reason in the future, I will try to add it here later.