Why Modern Day Dating is tough? Some important reasons.

In the 21st century, we have been observing that the number of failed dates has been increasing for the last 1-2 decades. It proves modern day dating is not so easy, and dating nowadays faces a lot of such challenges that were almost absent in the old times. There are varied reasons for this, and some of them include rapid changes in communication styles and social dynamics. Modern technologies have ensured people can communicate faster, within seconds, but at the same time, these features of faster communications have made people more restless and impatient. It is a well-known fact that patience is one of the most important contributing factors to starting a long-term relationship. As modern people are turning impatient while communicating, dating faces new challenges now.  

In this article, I will explain not only the challenges that modern dating faces but also the mistakes people make while dating and the red flags they ignore frequently. So, let's dive into the next paragraphs.

Modern Day Dating vs. the Dating of Old Times- Evolutions and Implications 

In the old times, people used to look for their partners only through a few channels. Some of them were college campuses, workplaces, local bars, libraries, bookstores, and meeting new people through mutual friends or relatives. Though these channels are still being used, people nowadays prefer modern communication channels more than these conventional ones. 

In my previous articles, I have discussed various types of dating, and "online or digital dating" is one of them. Now, it should be mentioned that nowadays the majority of the people looking to find a dating partner prefer to go for "online or digital dating" before dating face-to-face. 

Now, I am willing to share some statistical facts regarding "online/digital dating" vs. traditional modes of dating. Modern technologies that make communications faster involve the internet, and thus almost all modern communications channels require the internet to send and receive messages. However, you will also need internet-enabled devices and appropriate software packages to make these types of communications.

Online dating started in the 90s, around 1994-95, when internet services were costly and there were very few necessary hardware and software components required for internet-based communication purposes. A Stanford University study made by sociologists Michael Rosenfeld, Reuben Thomas, and Sonia Hausen said that in 1995, only 2% of all potential couples used digital channels to connect for dating. This percentage hit 40% in the year 2017. That means within the next 2 decades, it increased around 1900%. The latest report of 2023-24 says that around 50% of couples have dated online. 

In the previous article, I mentioned that online dating is initiated using various dating apps, social media channels, and various other chat tools.

Now, at first, let's discuss dating apps and other online matchmaking sites. Keep in mind these apps and sites provide some huge lists of profiles of people looking to find their ideal matches. That's why, while using any of it, you can explore the bios of a huge number of people and can choose any one of them to interact with. This is where the thrill of patiently looking for an ideal dating partner starts to get lowered, unlike the old times when people didn't have lists of potential partners and they were compelled to try harder using conventional channels. 

In the previous eras, as people used to find their partners after searching a lot, they showed very deep patience to communicate properly with each of their selected partners to know every detail of their life, career, character, etc. But, nowadays, in any app of dating, not only do the people get the lists of potential partners, but they can also see their images and can read their bios. These lower the excitement of gathering the information about unknown people's compatibility with yours. Also, people who are addicted to these dating apps may unconsciously engage themselves in swipe culture, where they quickly select or reject the people just by going through the images and bios of their profiles. The fact is simple—you can't know a person properly unless you interact with him/her, investing a certain period of your time. But, people nowadays in almost all popular dating apps just quickly find some users by using filtering features, then they check their images and bios, and after that they quickly select or deselect them considering their looks and any of the details written in their bios. They show no patience to interact with each of them, spending a longer duration of time, and lose the opportunity to understand whether they are truly compatible with them or not. This is known as swipe culture, and it is the effect of modern online dating.

This swipe culture not only makes people fail to identify their true compatible partners, even people they deselect also get mentally depressed because they get rejected due to petty issues like little flaws in their profile images or any insignificant details of their bios that failed to impress the selectors. 

Now, I am going to mention the most troubling reason for the increase of failed dates. It is nothing but the unexpectedly high expectations from the potential or current dating partners. Since the last 10-15 years, it has been observed that modern couples don't only take images and videos of their romantic celebrations; they also curate these moments with unrealistic props and glamour. Then they post these images and videos on social media, and after seeing these, people start to believe that a perfect relationship should always be luxurious and glamorous. Their expectations get skyrocketed, and they don't hesitate to filter out many potential dating partners if they think they cannot offer unrealistically luxurious dating programs and a lavish couple life. While doing so, they opt out many such people who earn enough money but are not multi-millionaires or billionaires.

A majority of modern women nowadays have this type of high expectations from their dating partners and potential life partners. But love can't be measured in terms of wealth and status. Even a super rich person can be a bad lover or a disloyal partner. Loving someone truly comes from complex feelings, and it is really messy. True love demands emotional efforts, kindness, and eagerness to care—it can't be measured on the scale of wealth and luxury. 

Finding love, the true one, isn't easy. It is always a hard task to grow genuine feelings of love for someone. You need to know a person well to fall in love with him/her, and for that you must have a good idea about his/her emotional and mental aspects of life. Swiping someone looking after his/her few images, some bio details, wealth, and status will make you fail to identify the person who could truly love you, offering commitment and a long-term relationship. 

Unrealistic expectations on first date and Ghosting 

Not only during online dating, but even after the first day of dating, nowadays many people swipe their dating partners and ghost them completely. There are varied reasons for it. 

• Addiction in swipe culture originated from Online Dating can make people swipe their dating partners even on the first day of face to face dating by thinking that dating apps may offer better dating partners. 
• People nowadays have high expectations about looks, wealth, status, income, etc., from their dating partners. They use not only popular dating apps but also various social media channels where they can see the curated lavish and luxurious lifestyle of other couples and also the luxurious lifestyle of almost all celebrities. All of these contribute to increasing the expectations from their dating partners.
• The majority of young people nowadays have low patience due to their addiction to the swipe culture of online dating and also due to sending and receiving quick messages using social media channels and other online communication methods. That's why they can't properly communicate face-to-face and fail to adapt to the communication styles of their dating partners. It is also observed that in many restaurants and meeting points, dating couples remain busy with their phones while sitting together. As they get distracted by their phones, they miss the opportunity of communicating patiently with each other, applying full concentration and emotion.
• Nowadays, just like almost all popular dating apps, various social media channels, television channels, and news media (online and TV) show the emotional and a bit of physical behavior of celebrity couples in a large volume almost every moment. Every young person owns at least one smartphone each, and thus, they easily access this content using their phones. This content raises their expectations unrealistically high, and on the first day of dating, he/she expects that the dating partner will behave exactly the same way a celebrity dating partner behaves. This is completely illogical, as no person can fully imitate the way of living of another person.
• Almost every person nowadays is leading a busy life with an extreme workload due to the highly competitive job market and price rise. That's why their patience in dating has drastically lowered. They always try to quickly judge their dating partners without engaging in deep conversations, and if they are not satisfied after those quick judgments, they ghost them.

After the first date, many people nowadays stop keeping any contact with their dating partners, and they just vanish from their lives. It is ghosting, or vanishing, and it mentally or emotionally breaks the people who are ghosted. They remain completely confused, as they can't understand why their dating partners rejected them. They start to think that probably they are incompetent in the dating market. They lose their confidence, and many of them decide to not date again for a certain period of time.  

Friendzoning and Breadcrumbing- Creating Delusions 

Before defining friendzoning and breadcrumbing, keep in mind that they're way different than ghosting. 

Breadcrumbing is a process where dating partners or persons of interest tell their other partners that they need time or mental preparation before falling in love with them. They try to make sure that their partners wait for their decision or continue chasing them. But, at the same time, they begin to date or explore other people. 

Friendzoning someone is also similar to breadcrumbing. Here, the dating partners just ask their partners to stay as friends while they explore or date other people. 

Both of these actions cause emotional and mental stress to the people who are breadcrumbed or friendzoned by their dating partners. They feel they aren't eligible enough to be loved by their dating partners, and their confidence gets shattered. 

If you are a victim, at first, keep in mind that it is not your fault. If your partner breadcrumbs or friendzones you, that means he/she is trying to play a mind game with you. He/she isn't meant for any long-term relationship because this type of person is too demanding and entitled. They can't be satisfied ever. Even if you somehow start a relationship with such a person, there is every possibility that after a certain period of time, he/she will feel bored in the relationship and may start to cheat on you. So, while dating, if you find your partner is trying to breadcrumb or friendzone you, just leave him/her, telling him/her that you are dating only to check whether he/she is compatible for a long-term relationship or not; you aren't interested in friendship or in waiting. 

My next suggestion—if after that your partner begs or pleads and somehow agrees to start a relationship with you, never change your decision to leave him/her. Because he/she has already shown his/her character to you by attempting to breadcrumb or friendzone you. As he/she is too demanding or entitled, after starting a relationship, either he/she will betray you or will dump you to prove he/she is always in control. Keep in mind that there are many people out there who are ready to say the phrase love you, but the majority of them use that phrase only for personal gains and to dupe the others. 

Unrealistic expectations of majority of modern women 

Since the last 20 to 30 years, the majority of modern women have been influenced heavily by the luxurious lifestyles of the celebrity couples. They have also idolized male partners of such couples as their future life partners, and in most cases, they are extremely groomed and polished physically, financially, and socially. They themselves not only campaign about their polished life and success on social media, entertainment channels, magazines, page 3 weeklies, and other media, but they also elaborately mention their achievements. For example, they randomly post the images and videos of their tall, muscular, and groomed bodies, expensive cars, luxurious real estate properties, etc. 

Now, on popular dating apps, social media platforms, matchmaking sites, and other real-life meeting points, the majority of modern women look for such guys who are tall, muscular with abs, and people who earn a minimum of a lakh per month. That means they are influenced by the guy partners of celebrity couples who show their achievements on various online and conventional platforms. 

Keep in mind that if you want to make a relationship on love and commitment but end up making one on looks, strong finance, and glamour only, your relationship won't last for a long duration of time. Maybe you will be able to enjoy a luxurious life for a certain period of time while staying in such a relationship, but that relationship won't last long, as the emotional attachment will be very low between the partners involved in that relationship. In short, such a relationship is built on materialistic and physical interests. 

I am not denying the fact that looks and finance, of course, need to be considered for making a relationship and sustaining it, but if you consider them as the only factors to make a relationship, your relationship will be a short-term one. 

Not being honest, or the fear of staying rooted 

You may rely on conventional ways, or you may depend on any app of dating, right from the first day of dating, you need to be honest and rooted in reality. Both men and women should follow this policy so that their dating partners can properly understand their daily lives and character.

If you choose to not disclose the details of your daily life, like your financial condition, family details, educational qualifications, past relationships, etc., and decide to deliver half-truths and false and fabricated information to your partner, in the natural course of time he/she will come to know the true facts. It will not only break him/her emotionally, but also his/her trust in you will be shattered permanently. Thus, the dating will fail, and no relationship can be made from that point. 

Being too clingy or attached from the first day 

The purpose of dating is to find out whether two partners are compatible with each other or not. That means each one of them has to check various details of the other partner to know whether he/she is ready to be a partner emotionally, financially, physically, and in a few other ways. So, if a partner is emotionally or mentally well matured, he/she will obviously expect that his/her potential partner should show the signs of emotional maturity during dating. So, as a dating partner, you must have a certain level of personality and mental soundness. 

Now, soon after the first day of dating, if you start to take care of him/her too much or show excessive passion, and if your dating partner is emotionally mature, he/she may think you are too needy or creepy. He/she will start to assume that your personality level doesn't match with his/hers. It will make him/her think that you aren't compatible with his/her emotional maturity level and you shouldn't be considered as a potential partner for a long-term relationship. 

Failing to identify the red flags 

Above I have already discussed some points that state if dating partners act or behave in certain ways, the dating journeys may fail. These acts or behaviors should be considered as red flags by every human who is either dating or planning to date. Many modern relationships have failed because one or both partners in each such relationship failed or ignored the red flags involving the other partner. These red flags are nothing but symptoms or signals that indicate your partner isn't compatible with you in certain ways. If you still ignore these red flags and somehow make a relationship with such an incompatible partner, daily routines and stability required for a long-term relationship will get disturbed. It will ultimately turn that relationship complicated. 

Above, I tried to point out the issues of modern dating and also mentioned some tips to overcome these. Still, I will suggest it will be better if you consult any professional relationship counselor to receive more perfect tips.